Priorities

I need to write. There are too many things to do and writing keeps getting bumped down to the bottom of the list. But I've got to stop everything else more often and write down what I'm thinking, what we're doing. This blog is here to keep family and friends updated on Evie's life, but, more importantly, I want it to serve as my little online journal. Every time I think about posting on the blog I worry about getting pictures ready. We all know I have thousands of pictures to sort through and it takes quite a bit of time to get them all prettied up for publishing. As much as I love pictures and love sharing them, it's more important for me to write it out. A picture is worth a thousand words and all that jazz, but a picture won't show me what I was FEELING and THINKING years from now when I'm looking back to these fleeting days as a first time mom to this amazing little baby of mine.

I want to remember this feeling I get all the time. It's a sudden out-of-body look at me with Evie, the realization that I have a baby; I am her mom. Life has changed so quickly and dramatically in the past year. Every now and then I feel a little bewildered, like someone plucked me out of my old life and placed me here, facing a completely new direction. It's wonderful, it's rewarding, I'm rolling with it. My heart can barely contain my feelings and emotions in this life. There's that beautiful baby with her sweet noises, little bitty toes, hands that grasp my finger and reach out to touch my face. There's Michael, a guy who stepped into his daddy shoes on day 1 when he held his crying newborn baby, changed her really exciting poopy diapers and now finds his joy in making her smile. There's me, blowing raspberries on her tummy, laundering little baby clothes, singing Billy Joel songs when I can't remember more than 5 words to old lullabies. I love this life. It's time to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard; my handwriting muscles haven't been exercised since I graduated from college).

Three Months

Evie turned 3 months old on May 14th. Almost a month ago. I'll keep this short and sweet (and apparently picture-free since Blogger is having issues at the moment).

At 3 months Evie was animated. Legs, arms and hands were always on the go and getting more coordinated. She was able to get her fists to her mouth and could grip the fire out of her toys and my hair. We spent a lot of time together on her playmat, which provided hours of swatting and kicking. Fun times. If we weren't on the playmat she wanted to "stand up." Standing up usually prompted big smiles and squeals of delight. She loved to sit up, look around, take in the scenery. She was a little too fascinated with the TV so I had to start turning it off. And drool....there was a lot of drool. 

We went to my friend Jessica's beautiful wedding at the Glen Errol Estate in Atlanta. The next weekend we drove back down to South Alabama to celebrate with Mama Metcalf. She turned 101 years old on April 22nd. We went on a ton of lunch and dinner dates in Auburn with friends. It was a fun month and it just keeps getting better.

May Celebrations

My Mother's Day flowers from Evie & Michael

Sometimes it feels pretty trippy that I'm actually somebody's mom now. I mean, really? Me?! I always thought I'd have children "someday," I just can't believe that day is here. I knew I was pregnant for 8 months. Eight looong and often difficult months. I had plenty of time to realize that yes, a baby would soon enter and alter life as we know it. But it feels like everything flashed forward and suddenly a little, pink wrinkly newborn was delivered at our door (by a stork, perhaps?). Then I look at her face...oh yes, she surely belongs to Michael. And then I remember my big pregnant belly...oh yes, she surely belongs to me.

I had a very special first Mother's Day weekend with lots of grandmothers, flowers, cards, presents, big family lunches. It was wonderful to receive so much love and appreciation from Michael, Evie and everyone else, but I really spent the day in awe of my daughter and my love for her. Everything in my life has new meaning and new purpose because of her.

Yesterday I turned 29 years old. On the 17th we will celebrate 7 years of marriage. Yes, May is a big month for me. I'm showered with gifts and well wishes over the course of a few days. But what I really get from these occasions is the realization of how thankful I am for my family, my husband and my baby. It's like my mid-year Thanksgiving holiday. Great are God's gifts!

Mother's Day 2010, 12 weeks old

Two Months

Evie turned 2 months old on April 14th. Uploading pictures, editing pictures and writing a blog post takes days...or in this case, weeks. You would think I had all the time in the world since I'm at home with Evie all day, but that's a big negative. I've got (a million more) thank you notes to write. I need a haircut. I need to buy smaller pants (what?!). I just can't get it all done when I've got my arms full of soft, squishy lovin'.

Measurements  |  Not sure, but I'm willing to bet that she's over 11 lbs. now. My back would give you a money back guarantee. Update: On April 26 (10 wks) Evie weighed 11 lb. 4 oz. and was 24" long. That's around 50th percentile in weight and 90th percentile in height. Where did this tall girl come from?

Wardrobe  |  Size 1 diapers and size 0-3 Months in clothes. I was sad when I put on the last little itty bitty Newborn diaper. She has outgrown a few of the outfits that got heavy rotation in her first month. Girl is getting big.

Milestones  |  Evie flashed her first social smile when she was 5 weeks old. The recipient of this priceless gift? Her great grandmother, Mema. She's pretty generous with her smiles these days. I've caught a few fleeting smiles on camera, but her biggest, gummiest grins are reserved for me and not the camera lens. I'm totally ok with that.

Evie likes:

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  Bedtime routine (nurse, bathe, massage, swaddle, sleep). And every morning when I wake up without bags under my eyes I thank her profusely.
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  Naps in her swing or carseat
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  Colorful, noise-making toys
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  Diaper changes
• 
  
  Making a fist and sticking her arms straight out in front of her
• 
  
  Smacking and drooling on her fists and arms when she can find them
• 
  
  Holding her hands together (hands are big deal around here)
• 
  
  Blowing spit bubbles
• 
  
  The great outdoors

Evie dislikes:

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  Napping for more than 30 or 40 minutes at a time. Hello unproductive day.
• 
  
  Pacifiers (but I'll keep trying)
• 
  
  Tummy time, if it lasts more than a few minutes

I'm not sure when it happened, but at some point our newborn grew into a baby. She's awake, she's alert, she smiles and she interacts. I can't put on the brakes, so I'll just enjoy the ride.

Confession

I have a confession. This whole having a baby thing has created a monster. I've always taken a lot of pictures. An excessive amount, actually. I can't snap one, I have to snap 100 to make sure I get the perfect shot. I think this started with my polaroid camera in middle school. I took picture after picture of my sheltie, McGee, dressed up in Auburn t-shirts and sunglasses. My imagination was limited only by the number of my polaroid film cartridges. Thankfully, digital photography has given me freedom...freedom to torture. So really it shouldn't surprise me that, with this perfect little angel of a subject, I have turned into a full-time mom paparazzi.

I have taken an obscene amount of pictures of Evie. Ready for it? Over 3,000. Nope, not kidding. In this child's 2 months of life I have hovered over her with a camera over 3,000 times. She may think my face has a large, round black hole in it.

For every picture I share with friends and family there are many more like it. Only from different angles and of different faces. You see, Evie is constantly moving and making faces and doing new things. Every single thing she does is so darn cute. Combine that with my technical photography shortcomings and you have a recipe for picture overload.

Most of the pictures I take are out of focus or underexposed. I need a better lens, better lighting. However, I can't bring myself to delete any of them. I will hoard them and cherish them because they are little snapshots of Evie's life.

Namesake

When Evie was 5 weeks old she went on her first trip away from home. We drove to Slocomb, Alabama to see Mema and Mama Metcalf. Both of them loved Evie to pieces.

Evelyn Metcalf, known to most people as Mama Metcalf, is a very special lady and Evie's great great grandmother. She will be 101 years old on April 22, 2010. She can still tell you stories about growing up in southern Alabama a century ago. Isn't that amazing? She remembers the first time she saw an airplane. She remembers people talking about the sinking of Titanic. She remembers illnesses, hard work, the Depression, horse drawn buggies and 5 cent haircuts. I bet she never thought she would hold her great great grandchild in the year 2010.

 

5 Generations

Evie got lots of lovin' that weekend. I know she won't remember the moment she was held by those beautiful 100 year old hands, but I always will.

Happy Easter!

Parenthood

Evie's 1st time in her (unfinished) nursery

I read a lot of books and talked to many people about having a baby during my pregnancy. I did my best to prepare knowing I would never be prepared for what was coming. I knew I would have to jump in and get my hands dirty (and oh, they are dirty). Here are a few things I've learned:

• When they say breastfeeding is hard, they aren't lying. It's hard. I didn't truly understand that it's a full-time, 24 hour job. My days and nights revolve around Evie's tummy. Thankfully, I'm hard-headed. I refuse to quit and we both reap the rewards.
• When they say you'll be sleep deprived, they aren't kidding. They say "sleep when the baby sleeps." What this amounts to is a daily cycle of 1 or 2-hour naps. That's a shock to someone like me who has always loved to sleep. Fortunately, I find myself running on love-adrenaline. It kicks in when I'm watching Evie make sweet and funny faces, when I smell her baby smell, when she holds my finger with her little hand. I'll trade in my sleep for that.
• The baby blues will reduce you to a weepy mess. I spent the first week at home looking at Evie through tears. I'd hold her, give her kisses, watch her sleep and my heart would fill to the brim. I would also wonder if I was adequate and if I could be the mother she deserves. Those feelings were intense and almost paralyzing. Hello, hormones! 
• Your baby becomes a part of you. Really, we're attached at the hip. When she's not in my arms or very close to me, I feel like something is missing. I feel uneasy. When Evie was almost 3 weeks old, Mom stayed with Evie while Michael and I went out for our first date night. I enjoyed spending time with Michael, but I was a nervous wreck. He understood and asked for the check right after our food was served. This probably sounds crazy to anyone who hasn't been there.
• Multi-tasking becomes the new way of life. This one-handed juggling act is an acquired skill, but I'm slowly learning how to take care of myself in those little windows of opportunity. Make-up, blowdryers, manicures and pedicures have fallen by the wayside along with most of my vanity, but I can now manage to eat a meal and take a shower every once in a while. Bonus points!
• Babies are messy. Duh, right? Sometimes I'm covered in spit-up, poop, pee. Sometimes I'm wiping away eye gook or snot. I'm amazed at how none of this grosses me out. If it comes out of my baby, it's not nasty.
• It gets easier. Once again, that's something everyone tells you. It gets easier. And it does. The hormones quit their raging. Every week I feel less panicked and more confident. I feel like I know what I'm doing.
• The love for your child is instant, powerful, unconditional and infinite. Really, those are just words that do it no justice. I knew I would love Evie, of course, but wow...I had no idea. Every pitiful cry with the pouty bottom lip breaks my heart. Every smile, laugh, hiccup, cough, sneeze and coo melts my heart. My poor heart. It had no idea what a little baby would do to it.

I lived those first days and weeks with Evie in a dream-like, hormone-induced trance. Having a brand new baby was hard and wonderful and overwhelming and emotional. I cried a lot. I loved a lot. We survived. Welcome to parenthood!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

One Month

Somebody hit the fast forward button on me. Was Evie really born 4 weeks ago? Was it a whole month ago when we were in the hospital changing the first poopy diapers and trying desperately to breastfeed? Will every month go by so quickly? Yep, yep, yep.

I've learned a lot in one month but I'm saving those tidbits for my next post. Right now, it's all about remembering Evie during her first 4 weeks of life.

Weight | Evie weighed 7 lbs. 15 oz. when she was born. Like most babies, she lost some weight while we were in the hospital. She weighed 7 lbs. 6 oz. when we checked out on February 17th. A breastfeeding mom's greatest concern is whether her baby is getting enough to eat. Well, on March 16th we went to Dr. Greer's office for her 1 month weigh-in and Evie was a hefty 9 lbs. 6 oz. I was a proud mama! She's on her way back to her original weight percentile.

Wardrobe | We're still wearing Newborn clothes and diapers. Some of her 0-3 month clothes fit loosely.

Belly Button | Evie's umbilical cord finally fell off on March 2nd when she was 16 days old and it took a few more days to finish healing. Which means...

First Bath | Evie had her first bath on March 7th when she was 3 weeks old. The first bath was a bust. Evie was hungry and did not appreciate the pre-dinner activity. Subsequent baths have been better timed and more enjoyable for everyone.

Rollover | On March 16th when she was 30 days old she rolled over from her tummy to her back. I had just laid her down on her lamb for some tummy time, turned around to move a chair, and when I turned back she was mid-roll. I grabbed my camera and caught the aftermath. She was a little upset with all that activity. It will probably be a few more months before she rolls over regularly and on purpose, but I'm going to give her credit. This little girl is strong!

Evie likes:

• Being held
• Sleeping (she sleeps like a champ at night)
• Eating (we're on a 2.5-3 hour schedule during the day but she'll go longer at night)
• Tummy time / nap time on mom or dad's chest
• Holding up her head (she's been doing that since day 2 - strong neck!)
• Stretching, grunting and making funny noises and faces
• Car or stroller rides
• Sitting in the bouncer while mom showers
• Swinging (for a little while - let's not push it, thank you)
• Looking around, especially at bright colors or black/white contrasts (the newspaper does the job)
• Being walked around (which makes the Bjorn a hit)

Evie dislikes:

• Lying on her back when she has gas (nope, you better pick that baby up and walk around!)
• Being hungry (all of the above-mentioned enjoyable activities become BIG DISLIKES when she's hungry - must have milk!)
• Pacifiers, unfortunately

I think that covers it. She's a pretty happy baby unless she's hungry or gassy. I'm so thankful for this healthy, happy and beautiful baby girl!

Thirty

Michael is 30 years old! On March 9th we met friends and family at Provinos to celebrate. Some of them met Evie for the first time. It was a fun, nerve-wracking night for me. It's good for me to get out of the house and interact with adults. However, I'm still a little bit on edge when we leave home. I think most of it has to do with nursing and being out of my comfort zone, but I have come a long way from the beginning. I can see that it will keep getting easier.

Since I don't get out much these days and most of our spending money disappears into the black hole of house renovations, the only thing I had to give Michael was a birthday card. Doesn't sound like much, does it? Well, this wasn't any ordinary birthday card. Evie and I made our first trip out alone to get this card. It went like this:

• Rain was on its way. Again. We had to jump in the car while the skies were clear.
• It was almost time for Evie to eat. Again. This is dangerous territory.
• New Mom vs. Carseat. Enough said.
• I had to pick out a meaningful card before the "FEED ME NOW" screams. Those screams don't bother me at home, but I have not mastered the Cool, Calm, Collected Mommy in Public persona.
• I did not beat the screams and Evie was not digging the CVS grocery cart ride. I guess it didn't have the same hum of the car.
• After collecting ourselves back at home, I had to find time to sign the card. I found the time and wrote a book. This is a huge accomplishment in my new life.
• I had to help Evie sign the card. This involves non-toxic ink and a baby hand. Baby hands have this oh so cute but non-handprint friendly grasping reflex.

This was the most effort I've ever put into a card and I was proud of the result. Michael loved it.

Provinos was the perfect place to celebrate Michael's big birthday. It wasn't the 3-0 throwdown we envisioned last year before the reality of life with a baby sunk in, but it was a perfect evening for this family of three. Provinos salad (a frequent 3rd trimester craving), ravioli, the Venetian and chocolate mousse made mom and dad very happy. Evie opted for a bottle of milk but it wasn't enough to satisfy her appetite. She decided to share this catastrophe with the entire restaurant. Thankfully, the car ride home was enough to make things right again.

Happy Birthday, Michael. You are a very loved husband and daddy.

Our Valentine

Evelyn Grace Ward was born February 14, 2010 at 11:35 a.m. She weighed 7 pounds, 15 ounces and was 21 inches long. She arrived 2 days before her due date, which is a story near and dear to my heart.

Michael and I found out on September 16th last year that we were having a baby girl. I made the obligatory announcement on Facebook and enjoyed the many messages of congratulations. One person in particular couldn't contain his excitement. My dad, 8 days before he unexpectedly passed away, left me the following message:

I remember reading that message. I said then and said many times throughout my pregnancy that I did not want to have our baby on Valentine's Day. I didn't want her birthday to fall on a holiday. Silly me.

I woke up on Sunday morning at 6:50 a.m. At 6:51 I was calling Michael from the bathroom, trying to wake him up to let him know that my water broke. I was all smiles, not only because labor had started and I knew we would be meeting our little girl soon, but also because my dad's wish was coming true. It was poetic. I couldn't have planned it more perfectly myself.

While Michael and I waited for the doctor to call us back, we sat on the couch and squeezed in a few Valentine's Day snuggles. We laughed when we realized we would not be using our tickets to see Valentine's Day (the movie) at 2:00 that afternoon. We had purchased the tickets the night before.

Once again, against all of my planning, I found myself being wheeled off to the operating room for a C-section at 11:05 a.m. Michael stayed by my side and peeked over the curtain to watch Evelyn take her first breaths. I couldn't see anything but I could hear her cry. It seemed like hours went by while I waited to meet her. Finally, Michael brought her to me. I'll always remember the first time I saw her. She was so little! I couldn't believe I was finally seeing the little person who had been rolling around in my belly for 9 months. She was beautiful. My arms were tied down so I couldn't hold her or touch her, but Michael put her up to my face so I could give her kisses. It was too incredible for words.

We stayed in the hospital until Wednesday. Our first two weeks at home (at Nana's house) have been just as challenging and wonderful as everyone warned. It gets a little easier as we get to know Evie and learn how to care for her. I'm proud that Michael and I have jumped in with both feet. Thankfully, Mom has been there to help us every step of the way. We're diapering and swaddling experts now! I'm getting a little better at living on 2-3 hour naps and feeding her around the clock. I love to watch her and listen to her little coos. She smells like a sweet little baby and her skin is softer than anything I've ever felt. All of these little things are new and so precious to me. I have proudly turned into a sappy mommy.

Evie was named after her Great Great Grandmother, Mama (Evelyn) Metcalf, who will be 101 years old in April. Grace is also a family name on my dad's side of the family and Michael's side of the family.

We are loving every moment with Evie. Thank you, Lord, for this blessing!

The Final Stretch

I'm 38 weeks pregnant and my head and heart are swimming with emotions!

Here is my fantasy:

Our house is done. The nursery is put together with all of the finishing touches. Everything for baby has been purchased and assembled and is now waiting for her arrival. My to-do list is completely crossed off. I'm filling these last days with rest and savoring every moment of being pregnant. Michael and I are going on a date every night and whispering sweet nothings to each other as we daydream about what life will be like with a baby. We'll be taking her home to a perfect house with a brand new mailbox adorned with a pink bow.

Here is my reality:

Our house is SEVERAL weeks away from being finished. The nursery, despite our best efforts, is covered in construction dust along with the rest of the house. We still have so much to do and so much to buy. I'm filling these last days trying to shorten my to-do list and hoping this baby comes at that exact moment between "too soon" and "too late." Michael is so busy with work and renovations and trying to juggle it all while wearing a walking boot as his torn ligament heals. Oh, and...what mailbox? What bow?

I've had to change my Plan of Perfection. This is the way life goes, I know. We're preparing to bring baby home to Mom's new house in Auburn. Mom loves her new house and I'll have the best help in the world in those first few weeks of the unknown. So this is good! I couldn't ask for a sweeter, more helpful mom. She will be the best Nana.

The house really is coming along and shaping up. Slowly, but surely. Cabinets have been installed and granite countertops will go in this week. The shower has been tiled and looks amazing. The walls have been primed. There are a lot of little things left to do. Most importantly, we will have people come in to remove all construction dust from the house and HVAC. I know this patience I have so reluctantly found will pay off in the end.

I'm going to the doctor on a weekly basis now and things seem to be progressing. It's exciting and so scary! For 38 weeks I'm doing pretty well, physically. I can get around within reason and I haven't had any painful contractions. Considering the fact that I am offically walking around with a "watermelon" in my belly, that's pretty good to me. The baby moves around so much, I love it! It doesn't feel like kicking anymore, it's like she's rolling around. I can feel smaller limbs (probably legs and feet, since she is head down) rolling across the top of my stomach. It never ceases to entertain me. I munch on Tums and ice like never before, but I can deal with that. It's harder to sleep at night but I've been told this is good training for the lack of sleep to come! I really am savoring these last days of One Body: Party of Two. It's pretty amazing.

I don't have anything scheduled. Unless something changes, this labor will be on baby's clock. I really prefer it that way. I'm sure I'll change my tune if she seems to be taking up camp at 42 weeks, but until then I will patiently wait for her to make her way. I'll do everything I can to feel ready for her arrival, but I know all of these details will matter no more when I'm holding her in my arms.

Holiday Recap

We had a Babymoon! On December 10th we flew to NYC to take advantage of this last bit of child-free, hop-on-a-plane-on-a-whim lifestyle. Shelley & Chuck met us there and we spent 4 days taking in the sights and lights of the City. This was my 3rd visit, but NYC has an extra twinkle in December and I've always wanted to see it. We ate dinner at Tavern on the Green, saw the Rockettes, went to the top of the Empire State Building and walked all over the City. It was great, but it wasn't easy. The temperatures were bitter cold and I felt every bit of 30 weeks pregnant. Swollen feet, stuffy nose. I waddled up and down the streets in between cab rides. It was worth it!

On December 17th we drove to Arkansas to have our annual Freeman Family Christmas and to celebrate my grandparents' 65th wedding anniversary. It was bittersweet. I loved every moment spent with Granny, Grandpa, aunts (who threw me a surprise baby shower!), uncles and cousins, but we were all aware that someone was missing. My dad. He was missed.

On December 24th we drove down to Slocomb to spend the night with Mema (my grandmother), Mama Metcalf (my 100 year old great grandmother), Mom, uncle Scott, aunt Michelle and sweet little cousins Jordan & Chloe. Christmas is even greater when there are little ones around. I watched the girls enjoy their gifts from Santa with little glimpses into my future.

On December 28th we packed up essentials and temporarily moved out of our house. Renovations were underway. We have been staying away from home (mostly with Mom) for 11 days. It feels like an eternity, partly due to the fact that I am 34 weeks pregnant and roughly 39 days away from being full term. Living out of a suitcase and watching your house being torn apart is a little difficult when you feel like you should be decorating a nursery and preparing a home for the arrival of a baby. All I can do is breathe deeply and pray that Baby Girl doesn't decide to make her entrance too early. In these past 11 days, however, walls were knocked down, the framing was finished, the re-wiring was finished, the plumbing was finished, the new roof was finished, and everything is starting to vaguely resemble a bigger, better, newer house. They will hang drywall and brick the additions next week. Maybe we CAN get this done in time. I'm holding out hope!

We wimped out on a New Years Eve party. Too sleepy, too worn out. Michael is overseeing the work at our house in addition to his many other jobs in Auburn, Louisiana, Georgia and Mississippi. Poor guy.

Our best moments of 2009 included the surprise news of a baby and our trips around the U.S., but I'm looking forward to a fresh, clean start in 2010. Our hearts and our arms will be full with the arrival of our baby. The next Life Chapter will begin and there will be no room for negative thoughts and negative people. And that's all I have to say about that!