Parenthood

Evie's 1st time in her (unfinished) nursery

I read a lot of books and talked to many people about having a baby during my pregnancy. I did my best to prepare knowing I would never be prepared for what was coming. I knew I would have to jump in and get my hands dirty (and oh, they are dirty). Here are a few things I've learned:

• When they say breastfeeding is hard, they aren't lying. It's hard. I didn't truly understand that it's a full-time, 24 hour job. My days and nights revolve around Evie's tummy. Thankfully, I'm hard-headed. I refuse to quit and we both reap the rewards.
• When they say you'll be sleep deprived, they aren't kidding. They say "sleep when the baby sleeps." What this amounts to is a daily cycle of 1 or 2-hour naps. That's a shock to someone like me who has always loved to sleep. Fortunately, I find myself running on love-adrenaline. It kicks in when I'm watching Evie make sweet and funny faces, when I smell her baby smell, when she holds my finger with her little hand. I'll trade in my sleep for that.
• The baby blues will reduce you to a weepy mess. I spent the first week at home looking at Evie through tears. I'd hold her, give her kisses, watch her sleep and my heart would fill to the brim. I would also wonder if I was adequate and if I could be the mother she deserves. Those feelings were intense and almost paralyzing. Hello, hormones! 
• Your baby becomes a part of you. Really, we're attached at the hip. When she's not in my arms or very close to me, I feel like something is missing. I feel uneasy. When Evie was almost 3 weeks old, Mom stayed with Evie while Michael and I went out for our first date night. I enjoyed spending time with Michael, but I was a nervous wreck. He understood and asked for the check right after our food was served. This probably sounds crazy to anyone who hasn't been there.
• Multi-tasking becomes the new way of life. This one-handed juggling act is an acquired skill, but I'm slowly learning how to take care of myself in those little windows of opportunity. Make-up, blowdryers, manicures and pedicures have fallen by the wayside along with most of my vanity, but I can now manage to eat a meal and take a shower every once in a while. Bonus points!
• Babies are messy. Duh, right? Sometimes I'm covered in spit-up, poop, pee. Sometimes I'm wiping away eye gook or snot. I'm amazed at how none of this grosses me out. If it comes out of my baby, it's not nasty.
• It gets easier. Once again, that's something everyone tells you. It gets easier. And it does. The hormones quit their raging. Every week I feel less panicked and more confident. I feel like I know what I'm doing.
• The love for your child is instant, powerful, unconditional and infinite. Really, those are just words that do it no justice. I knew I would love Evie, of course, but wow...I had no idea. Every pitiful cry with the pouty bottom lip breaks my heart. Every smile, laugh, hiccup, cough, sneeze and coo melts my heart. My poor heart. It had no idea what a little baby would do to it.

I lived those first days and weeks with Evie in a dream-like, hormone-induced trance. Having a brand new baby was hard and wonderful and overwhelming and emotional. I cried a lot. I loved a lot. We survived. Welcome to parenthood!