Parenthood

Evie's 1st time in her (unfinished) nursery

I read a lot of books and talked to many people about having a baby during my pregnancy. I did my best to prepare knowing I would never be prepared for what was coming. I knew I would have to jump in and get my hands dirty (and oh, they are dirty). Here are a few things I've learned:

• When they say breastfeeding is hard, they aren't lying. It's hard. I didn't truly understand that it's a full-time, 24 hour job. My days and nights revolve around Evie's tummy. Thankfully, I'm hard-headed. I refuse to quit and we both reap the rewards.
• When they say you'll be sleep deprived, they aren't kidding. They say "sleep when the baby sleeps." What this amounts to is a daily cycle of 1 or 2-hour naps. That's a shock to someone like me who has always loved to sleep. Fortunately, I find myself running on love-adrenaline. It kicks in when I'm watching Evie make sweet and funny faces, when I smell her baby smell, when she holds my finger with her little hand. I'll trade in my sleep for that.
• The baby blues will reduce you to a weepy mess. I spent the first week at home looking at Evie through tears. I'd hold her, give her kisses, watch her sleep and my heart would fill to the brim. I would also wonder if I was adequate and if I could be the mother she deserves. Those feelings were intense and almost paralyzing. Hello, hormones! 
• Your baby becomes a part of you. Really, we're attached at the hip. When she's not in my arms or very close to me, I feel like something is missing. I feel uneasy. When Evie was almost 3 weeks old, Mom stayed with Evie while Michael and I went out for our first date night. I enjoyed spending time with Michael, but I was a nervous wreck. He understood and asked for the check right after our food was served. This probably sounds crazy to anyone who hasn't been there.
• Multi-tasking becomes the new way of life. This one-handed juggling act is an acquired skill, but I'm slowly learning how to take care of myself in those little windows of opportunity. Make-up, blowdryers, manicures and pedicures have fallen by the wayside along with most of my vanity, but I can now manage to eat a meal and take a shower every once in a while. Bonus points!
• Babies are messy. Duh, right? Sometimes I'm covered in spit-up, poop, pee. Sometimes I'm wiping away eye gook or snot. I'm amazed at how none of this grosses me out. If it comes out of my baby, it's not nasty.
• It gets easier. Once again, that's something everyone tells you. It gets easier. And it does. The hormones quit their raging. Every week I feel less panicked and more confident. I feel like I know what I'm doing.
• The love for your child is instant, powerful, unconditional and infinite. Really, those are just words that do it no justice. I knew I would love Evie, of course, but wow...I had no idea. Every pitiful cry with the pouty bottom lip breaks my heart. Every smile, laugh, hiccup, cough, sneeze and coo melts my heart. My poor heart. It had no idea what a little baby would do to it.

I lived those first days and weeks with Evie in a dream-like, hormone-induced trance. Having a brand new baby was hard and wonderful and overwhelming and emotional. I cried a lot. I loved a lot. We survived. Welcome to parenthood!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

One Month

Somebody hit the fast forward button on me. Was Evie really born 4 weeks ago? Was it a whole month ago when we were in the hospital changing the first poopy diapers and trying desperately to breastfeed? Will every month go by so quickly? Yep, yep, yep.

I've learned a lot in one month but I'm saving those tidbits for my next post. Right now, it's all about remembering Evie during her first 4 weeks of life.

Weight | Evie weighed 7 lbs. 15 oz. when she was born. Like most babies, she lost some weight while we were in the hospital. She weighed 7 lbs. 6 oz. when we checked out on February 17th. A breastfeeding mom's greatest concern is whether her baby is getting enough to eat. Well, on March 16th we went to Dr. Greer's office for her 1 month weigh-in and Evie was a hefty 9 lbs. 6 oz. I was a proud mama! She's on her way back to her original weight percentile.

Wardrobe | We're still wearing Newborn clothes and diapers. Some of her 0-3 month clothes fit loosely.

Belly Button | Evie's umbilical cord finally fell off on March 2nd when she was 16 days old and it took a few more days to finish healing. Which means...

First Bath | Evie had her first bath on March 7th when she was 3 weeks old. The first bath was a bust. Evie was hungry and did not appreciate the pre-dinner activity. Subsequent baths have been better timed and more enjoyable for everyone.

Rollover | On March 16th when she was 30 days old she rolled over from her tummy to her back. I had just laid her down on her lamb for some tummy time, turned around to move a chair, and when I turned back she was mid-roll. I grabbed my camera and caught the aftermath. She was a little upset with all that activity. It will probably be a few more months before she rolls over regularly and on purpose, but I'm going to give her credit. This little girl is strong!

Evie likes:

• Being held
• Sleeping (she sleeps like a champ at night)
• Eating (we're on a 2.5-3 hour schedule during the day but she'll go longer at night)
• Tummy time / nap time on mom or dad's chest
• Holding up her head (she's been doing that since day 2 - strong neck!)
• Stretching, grunting and making funny noises and faces
• Car or stroller rides
• Sitting in the bouncer while mom showers
• Swinging (for a little while - let's not push it, thank you)
• Looking around, especially at bright colors or black/white contrasts (the newspaper does the job)
• Being walked around (which makes the Bjorn a hit)

Evie dislikes:

• Lying on her back when she has gas (nope, you better pick that baby up and walk around!)
• Being hungry (all of the above-mentioned enjoyable activities become BIG DISLIKES when she's hungry - must have milk!)
• Pacifiers, unfortunately

I think that covers it. She's a pretty happy baby unless she's hungry or gassy. I'm so thankful for this healthy, happy and beautiful baby girl!

Thirty

Michael is 30 years old! On March 9th we met friends and family at Provinos to celebrate. Some of them met Evie for the first time. It was a fun, nerve-wracking night for me. It's good for me to get out of the house and interact with adults. However, I'm still a little bit on edge when we leave home. I think most of it has to do with nursing and being out of my comfort zone, but I have come a long way from the beginning. I can see that it will keep getting easier.

Since I don't get out much these days and most of our spending money disappears into the black hole of house renovations, the only thing I had to give Michael was a birthday card. Doesn't sound like much, does it? Well, this wasn't any ordinary birthday card. Evie and I made our first trip out alone to get this card. It went like this:

• Rain was on its way. Again. We had to jump in the car while the skies were clear.
• It was almost time for Evie to eat. Again. This is dangerous territory.
• New Mom vs. Carseat. Enough said.
• I had to pick out a meaningful card before the "FEED ME NOW" screams. Those screams don't bother me at home, but I have not mastered the Cool, Calm, Collected Mommy in Public persona.
• I did not beat the screams and Evie was not digging the CVS grocery cart ride. I guess it didn't have the same hum of the car.
• After collecting ourselves back at home, I had to find time to sign the card. I found the time and wrote a book. This is a huge accomplishment in my new life.
• I had to help Evie sign the card. This involves non-toxic ink and a baby hand. Baby hands have this oh so cute but non-handprint friendly grasping reflex.

This was the most effort I've ever put into a card and I was proud of the result. Michael loved it.

Provinos was the perfect place to celebrate Michael's big birthday. It wasn't the 3-0 throwdown we envisioned last year before the reality of life with a baby sunk in, but it was a perfect evening for this family of three. Provinos salad (a frequent 3rd trimester craving), ravioli, the Venetian and chocolate mousse made mom and dad very happy. Evie opted for a bottle of milk but it wasn't enough to satisfy her appetite. She decided to share this catastrophe with the entire restaurant. Thankfully, the car ride home was enough to make things right again.

Happy Birthday, Michael. You are a very loved husband and daddy.

Our Valentine

Evelyn Grace Ward was born February 14, 2010 at 11:35 a.m. She weighed 7 pounds, 15 ounces and was 21 inches long. She arrived 2 days before her due date, which is a story near and dear to my heart.

Michael and I found out on September 16th last year that we were having a baby girl. I made the obligatory announcement on Facebook and enjoyed the many messages of congratulations. One person in particular couldn't contain his excitement. My dad, 8 days before he unexpectedly passed away, left me the following message:

I remember reading that message. I said then and said many times throughout my pregnancy that I did not want to have our baby on Valentine's Day. I didn't want her birthday to fall on a holiday. Silly me.

I woke up on Sunday morning at 6:50 a.m. At 6:51 I was calling Michael from the bathroom, trying to wake him up to let him know that my water broke. I was all smiles, not only because labor had started and I knew we would be meeting our little girl soon, but also because my dad's wish was coming true. It was poetic. I couldn't have planned it more perfectly myself.

While Michael and I waited for the doctor to call us back, we sat on the couch and squeezed in a few Valentine's Day snuggles. We laughed when we realized we would not be using our tickets to see Valentine's Day (the movie) at 2:00 that afternoon. We had purchased the tickets the night before.

Once again, against all of my planning, I found myself being wheeled off to the operating room for a C-section at 11:05 a.m. Michael stayed by my side and peeked over the curtain to watch Evelyn take her first breaths. I couldn't see anything but I could hear her cry. It seemed like hours went by while I waited to meet her. Finally, Michael brought her to me. I'll always remember the first time I saw her. She was so little! I couldn't believe I was finally seeing the little person who had been rolling around in my belly for 9 months. She was beautiful. My arms were tied down so I couldn't hold her or touch her, but Michael put her up to my face so I could give her kisses. It was too incredible for words.

We stayed in the hospital until Wednesday. Our first two weeks at home (at Nana's house) have been just as challenging and wonderful as everyone warned. It gets a little easier as we get to know Evie and learn how to care for her. I'm proud that Michael and I have jumped in with both feet. Thankfully, Mom has been there to help us every step of the way. We're diapering and swaddling experts now! I'm getting a little better at living on 2-3 hour naps and feeding her around the clock. I love to watch her and listen to her little coos. She smells like a sweet little baby and her skin is softer than anything I've ever felt. All of these little things are new and so precious to me. I have proudly turned into a sappy mommy.

Evie was named after her Great Great Grandmother, Mama (Evelyn) Metcalf, who will be 101 years old in April. Grace is also a family name on my dad's side of the family and Michael's side of the family.

We are loving every moment with Evie. Thank you, Lord, for this blessing!